this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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