I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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