Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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