Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
