There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
