your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
