we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
