Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
