i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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