Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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