I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
