peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
