She just used a chaser for red wine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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