You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
