I got chris browned last night
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
