"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think people are normalizing furries
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
