thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
