Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
