The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
