the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
