Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
