put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
