he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
