Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
