I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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