i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
