Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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