I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
