So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
