I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
