i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
