btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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