I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
