When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
how does that bad decision feel?
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