she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
that is very illegal...i love you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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