If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
