Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
