Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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