So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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