Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
