I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize