you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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