He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
