I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
