he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
