The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
