i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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