apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
