his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
