Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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