You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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