You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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