I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
