It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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