Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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