who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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