Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
