yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
