so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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