Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hippo gnu deer
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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