Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
