All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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