I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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