Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
