so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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