I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
