your thong is hanging out like whoa
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
