i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
