very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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