____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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