four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
