Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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