It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
