found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
