epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
