Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
