How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
