I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
