i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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