you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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