she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
