walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
