somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You ruined the universe
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
