I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
