we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
